Me vs Me

I have just entered the awful realm of  grade 11. If you seem to have forgotten what 11th grade is like or have yet to reach this ripe age, I will gladly let you know what its like.

It sucks.



Not only are the classes harder, the future that everyone has seemed to try to prepare me for is just around the corner. Listening to Fall Out Boy and making cookies isn't going to be enough for me anymore. My life is now about creating a future for the life that I thought I have always been looking forward to.

I am now in the working world and every minute I am there I am thinking about what that dollar will get me. I plan on doing so much with my life; wether it be continuing my education with college/university, going straight into the work force, or taking that desperately needed year or two off before I finally decide to go to school again.

The problem with all these decisions I know I have to make is that they're the first big decisions that are completely up to me. I have so many paths to chose from and to be completely honest with myself and to you: I have no clue which direction I want to pursue.

I feel like there is some sort of different pressure making each decision. All my life I have felt I was trying to prepare for university and that living downtown is the life I always dreamed of having. And, although this was the future I felt society had picked out for me, I feel like its still one I want to have. Being young in the city and feeling ever so-Carrie Bradshaw is any 16-year olds wildest fantasy.

But I also want to go visit ethnic places and fall in love with people. I want to live far away from my postal code and view the world through someone else's eyes with only the money in my own pocket. All it takes to crush that dream is the crippling reality that I need money to travel and to eat and to SURVIVE.

The option that my parents chose that is absolutely unappealing to me is staying in the town I', currently in, going to college, and doing a boring 9-5 job that hides behind the high school I used to go to.


Although I don't know exactly what I want to do, I definitely know what I DONT want to do. It may not be much, but its a start.